Lost

I wanna scream

I wanna cut myself open

and watch the blood drain the ache from my raging heart

I wanna be punished

drink to oblivion

I wanna lose myself in a moment with a random guy

but I won’t do any of it …

Instead I let my tears

bring cooling relief to my heart

as little by little they slide down hot cheeks

I’ll search for answers and find the lesson in my heart

why this had to be

and I’ll pray to stop wanting you back

or for you to see with my eyes

the beauty of you

the beauty of me

and the wonderful thing that was us.

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In all honesty…

In all honesty

I miss you more than ever.
I miss the way my name sounded when you said it.
I miss how much you teased me.
I miss holding your hand.
I miss the way you kissed me.
I miss seeing you smile and laugh with me.
I miss being your reason to smile.
I miss being your girl.
I miss your friends.
I miss watching movies with you.
I miss lying in bed with you.
I miss tickling you.
I miss your laugh, your funny weird gay laugh.
I miss the way you would sing to me, even though you know you sounded pathetic.
I miss your voice.
I haven’t heard your voice in a week.
I miss it.
I miss being in love with you.
I miss you being in love with me.
I miss talking to you.
I miss telling you everything.
I miss being your best friend.
I miss the smell of your perfume.
I miss the texture of your hair.
I miss staring into your eyes,
I miss having you stare into mine.
I miss how you repeat the silly stuff I say.
I miss your lips.
I miss kissing you.
I miss the way our tongues would wrap around each other.
I miss feeling your hands on my lower back.
I miss feeling them everywhere.
I miss wrestling with you.
I miss hugging you.
I miss cuddling.
I miss being told how beautiful I am by you,
you made me believe it.
I miss having someone to love with all that I am.
I miss having you.
I miss all the good times.
I miss waiting for you to come to me at my place.

I miss your calls every time you were on your way home from school.
I miss swimming with you.
I miss your arms.
I miss walking around with you.

I  miss everything, but I have to accept the fact I can no longer be with you and you can no longer be with me. All I can do is just miss you and do nothing.

And it hurts because I know you’re not feeling the same.