I just had to let this out..

I feel that i need to tell this to someone. Actually not just someone- but to everyone. Everyone who needs to hear this because I’m so sick of keeping my mouth shut about it.

My close friend has been going through a break with her boyfriend. I’m not even going to give her the title of calling it a break up because it wouldn’t be fair to people who have actually been through a break up. They are completely predictable as a couple and it goes a little something like this. Girl and Boy love each other, girl get’s annoyed with boy and wants to be single, OR boy feels like she isn’t the one- so boy and girl fight a lot, and i mean A LOT and thus they end up in a break. However after a week, or a month tops, they’re right back into their beautifully effed up relationship acting like the world is perfect and they’ve made the biggest mistakes of their lives by parting. Lather, rinse, and repeat. It’s pathetic to watch, really. And honestly, this isn’t the only friend I’ve seen do this. My other friend is broken up with her boyfriend but spends every second with him still. I mean- HELLO! – why did you even break up to begin with? I see it all the time. Even people i don’t know. It’s like clockwork with some people. They’re broken up- no back together- oh wait, now they’re broken up- aaaand back together!

Call me bitter, but it makes me so mad to see it sometimes. Especially when my friend comes crying to me. I know i should be a great friend and listen, and don’t get me wrong… i do; i sit there and listen and offer my best advice from the heart but deep down inside i just want to take her by the shoulders and shake her compulsively while screaming “you have no idea!”. Because really, she doesn’t have any idea. None of these back and forth couples do. They have no idea what it’s like to be completely ripped and pushed away from someone you love and be forced to let go…to have to deal with the pain that comes with someone giving up on you and wanting nothing to do with you ever again, just like that. I know i shouldn’t care but this is why: I’ve been through that kind of break up. I had my heart literally ripped from my chest, through the ribs, thrown on the floor in front of me, stepped on, spit on, and kicked. Twice. By the same boy. I was so completely heart broken i couldn’t function, and truthfully, i’m still healing even months later. It killed me. So seeing all of these couples get back together, or make a huge fuss when they’re on a break because to them it’s the end of the world to even think of letting go, even though realistically they’ll be back with each other in a month give or take, makes me want to roll my eyes or smack them in the head. Sometimes i wish it could be me.  And i sometimes look at these couples that get back together and i still wish it could be me. That like all the other guys i see, my ex will come busting through my door with a bouquet of roses and tears in his pathetic eyes, begging to start something over again. But you know what? It didn’t happen for me and it will never happen for me and that’s something that makes you strong.

So this one goes out to all of the people how have been broken but have been strong enough to let go. For the people who have hurt so badly that they felt they could never love again, but kept their head up. For those who feel like going back to their old lover would put all the pieces back where they belong and everything would fit, but accept the cold hard truth instead. For the people that learn from their mistakes and never stop moving forward, even when they take two steps back. For the people that wish loneliness wasn’t a part of them, but put up with it anyhow. For the people that are okay with taking up all of the room in the bed, even if sometimes it feels a little empty. For the people who wake up in the morning with no missed calls, but smile anyway. For the people that periodically miss the past, but are so much more excited for the future. For the people that have wounds still healing. For the people that have so much tied to their past relationship, but break those chains to start fresh. For the people that want to look back so badly, but focus on the road ahead. For the people that pick up the phone so tempted to call, but keep their dignity in tact instead. For the people that never wanted to let go, but had to. For the people that still believe in love even after all of the hurt their heart has endured.

For all the people that gave up not because they were weak, but because most times it’s better just to let go.

This one is for you. We’ll get our happy ending someday.

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Cutting connections for the mean time

I wanna have a new start.

I wish I could just leave the country and start fresh in another place. A place where I know no one, a place where I know I wouldnt run into you or our friends, a place wherein I wouldnt have to close my eyes and miss you whenever I’d hangout in places we’d usually go or eat at, a place where I could breathe again, a place where I wouldnt be reminded of you. But I cant leave, it’s not as simple as that. It’s not as easy as how the movies make it seem.

This moving on process is too much for me.

For two months Ive been doing the “so-called” steps in the process of moving on yet I have made no progress. My friends would tell me that I wasnt trying hard enough but God knows I have. And so everyday I try to think of a solution to my misery and hope that my new ideas would eventually work.

Last week, Ive made a big decision. I decided to cut communication with ALL our common friends for the mean time ( well, originally all our common friends are yours not mine). It’s not something that I would usually do but cutting off from all possible forms of communication was the best thing that I could think of to avoid questions leading to “How are you?” or “How are you and…?”. I haven’t been replying to my friends’ messages, deactivated all my social networks such as my facebook and twitter, haven’t been going to whatever was going down that Friday/Saturday night, and have been avoiding places I know I’d see people I know. This was the only way I could have a new start.
It’s selfish I know. All our friends, they’ve become so close to me, to my heart and they’ve been there for me in every step, every challenge, joy and pain Ive been through ever since they became my friends as well. Some were even like the sisters I never had..but the thing is Ive met them through you and you too are close to their hearts. I wouldnt want to steal them from you since you are theirs truly and so for the mean time I’m cutting connections.

Im just doing this because I really want to start fresh, I want to hear nothing about you. Nothing.

With this, maybe moving on would easier.

The good ones will always stay

You make them. You get to know them. You learn to understand them. You grow to love them. You protect and defend them. You may lose them, it depends. You move on. There’s nothing you can do. But your real friends, they wont leave you NO MATTER WHAT.

Your friends mean the world to you at some point in time. You can relate to them, they can relate to you. They are your family. Your brothers. Your sisters. Yet with one action with one phrase what took years to establish, it can be easily toppled down.

You guys no longer hangout. No longer talk. You miss them. You hate them. You love them. You move on. Friends will come and go. But the memories stay forever and the good ones will always stay.