This one is for me

I don’t know how we got here. I have no idea what tricks of fate and destiny lead us to be where we are now. What I do know is that this feeling is familiar and I hate that this is an endless cycle of you constantly letting me down. So here’s what I’m doing. This one is for me. I think you’re old enough to make your own mind up. And I think it’s time you did.

From now on I’m walking forward and I am moving forward. I will not search for you in crowds or hope that we will get back together, because honestly I dont want us to. From now on, things will be for me, for my benefit and you won’t be a deciding factor.

You loved me but you couldnt give up all the other things such as your freedom to save what we had. You couldnt decide if you still wanted me or not, you couldnt fight for me because youre too confused of what you really want in your life and what disappoints me is that you always put the blame on me even when we know it wasnt.

You’re young and you want to experience all the good things in life, youre having fun and that’s all that matters to you now. Youre not ready for a relationship, for commitment. Like you said, you couldnt decide yet is you still wanted me or not so I made the decision. I couldnt always be there for you.I have a lot to experience in life and I’m not going to waste it waiting for you to decide.

I’ve stopped dwelling. I’ve stopped looking for you. I’ve been moving on. I’ve been meeting people. I’ve been living my life.I’ve been doing this for the last couple months and I can say I’m doing really well.

I’ve been trying to forget how I felt about you.

If you really wanted me, if you missed me, if you couldnt  breathe without me, you would’ve  known. You would’ve ringed. You would’ve texted. You would’ve said so. But there were no calls,  no texts, nothing. And so I will continue moving on. And I’m walking tall.

However, lately it somehow irritates me, that now that I’m doing better you suddenly ring, suddenly text and suddenly send me these drunk text messages..but I wont let it affect me.

I won’t forget the lesson I’ve learned. I will certainly not forget the hell I was put through to learn all this, to become a better person.

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