I wanna have a new start.
I wish I could just leave the country and start fresh in another place. A place where I know no one, a place where I know I wouldnt run into you or our friends, a place wherein I wouldnt have to close my eyes and miss you whenever I’d hangout in places we’d usually go or eat at, a place where I could breathe again, a place where I wouldnt be reminded of you. But I cant leave, it’s not as simple as that. It’s not as easy as how the movies make it seem.
This moving on process is too much for me.
For two months Ive been doing the “so-called” steps in the process of moving on yet I have made no progress. My friends would tell me that I wasnt trying hard enough but God knows I have. And so everyday I try to think of a solution to my misery and hope that my new ideas would eventually work.
Last week, Ive made a big decision. I decided to cut communication with ALL our common friends for the mean time ( well, originally all our common friends are yours not mine). It’s not something that I would usually do but cutting off from all possible forms of communication was the best thing that I could think of to avoid questions leading to “How are you?” or “How are you and…?”. I haven’t been replying to my friends’ messages, deactivated all my social networks such as my facebook and twitter, haven’t been going to whatever was going down that Friday/Saturday night, and have been avoiding places I know I’d see people I know. This was the only way I could have a new start.
It’s selfish I know. All our friends, they’ve become so close to me, to my heart and they’ve been there for me in every step, every challenge, joy and pain Ive been through ever since they became my friends as well. Some were even like the sisters I never had..but the thing is Ive met them through you and you too are close to their hearts. I wouldnt want to steal them from you since you are theirs truly and so for the mean time I’m cutting connections.
Im just doing this because I really want to start fresh, I want to hear nothing about you. Nothing.
With this, maybe moving on would easier.